Finding your community beneath the layers of yourself

I have always had a hard time finding my community.  I always thought that I was too different to find friends that I really clicked with, so I would chameleon my way through friend groups. I remember my mom always calling me a “social butterfly” because at one point in high school, I hung out with so many different groups. But in all honesty, I hung out with so many different groups because I didn’t know where I belonged. And I didn’t know where I belonged because I didn’t know who I was. 

This question keeps coming up for me lately; who are you?

And not who you are in the sense of sister, mother, career title. In the sense of you as the being you are.

The first time I was asked that, my conditioned response was to talk about my job and the title I held. But that’s not who I am as a being. I’m not defined by my job title or the things I’ve accomplished or the amount of money I have in the bank. I am defined by who I am as a human being, deep down to the core of my soul.

That’s some deep stuff when you think about it and a little baffling when you realize you don’t really know who you are.

When I’m with my family, I’m a sister and a daughter. When I was at my day job, I was friendly customer service Sam. Because of all the masks I’ve worn, it really triggered me to think about who I was. I had to painfully admit that I had fucking clue who I was or what I wanted to believe in and surround myself with.

The first step is admitting to yourself that you have the power to be who you really want to be. There’s a reason your heart has desires and dreams. They were placed there on purpose with intention. 

So I’m sitting here, trying to figure out who I am and I realize that I have been without a community of people I’m close with for 3 years. No wonder I’ve been feeling so isolated. Sure, I developed close relationships with my co-workers and lightly connected with acquaintances along the way. But it’s been 3 years since I was able to say I had a friend to confide in outside of my spouse.

I have desperately wanted to find my people, yet I always seemed to attract the wrong ones that end up unhealthy. I attracted the wrong people because I didn’t know who I wanted to be attracting. When I got down to the root of it, I found the reason I haven’t been able to find my community was because I didn’t know who I was and when you don’t know who you are, you don’t know who you want to surround yourself with. 

When I got clear on who I was and who I wanted to surround myself with, the universe started putting the right people in my life. It wasn’t always the easiest work. I had to set very clear boundaries in my life and let go of a lot of things that were no longer serving me. Including my job and some people. I got fed up with having to wear a mask. I got tired of pretending to be someone besides myself. The girl that I am beneath the masks began to scream for air. She was tired of being covered. She was tired of feeling ashamed to show herself. She was ready to be heard. She was ready to be.

I encourage you to ask yourself that question, ‘who am I?’ Try to answer honestly without titles, accomplishments, roles, masks. Who are you as the being you are?

When I asked myself, who is Samantha? This is what I found.

I learned that I love listening and gaining knowledge. I love to love and be loved. My body desperately craved getting in touch with my own femininity, learning to love my body. I love to laugh obnoxiously and find joy every single day. I found out that nature grounds me and sparks creativity within me. Outside brings me back to alignment anytime I am flustered or overwhelmed. 

Organized religion doesn’t feel good to me even though that’s what I was taught. I believe that God or Source is accessible to every single one of us through love. Connecting to source doesn’t require judgement and jumping through hoops. The universe wants you as you are because that’s how you were created. You are already everything you are meant to be. I believe that it’s okay that each person has their own way of connecting to source. It’s our job is to figure it out in our own way. And I believe that deserves respect. 

I have such a love for listening to others talk about their passion. When someone talks about something important to them, their eyes light up in a particular way. A person’s eyes says a lot about them, they speak a truer truth than words.

I’m a believer in the magic of medicinal cannabis. I used to be ashamed of being called a pot head, because I’m not a stereotypical stoner that sits on the couch lazy every day. I get shit done and I get it done well. The healing properties of marijuana are too significant to be overlooked. Because cannabis is something I believe in strongly, I realized that I don’t want my tribe to be anti-marijuana out of pure ignorance. It’s all about becoming educated and opening your eyes to what’s happening in the world around us. There’s a reason weed isn’t legalized federally yet and it has a lot to do with power and money in the hands of the wrong people.

And lastly, I found that I am here to be of service to others. I have a gift, a mission, and a passion. I believe that each person has the right to feel loved and supported in every component of their lives. I choose to connect with women around money because that’s where women have a lot of unnecessary resistance. When we remove that resistance, we bring back the woman you are and all the power and magic you hold as a warrior. I think the future of finance is going to be changing and it’s time that we start getting money into the hands of good people. Specifically, the hands of good and strong women. Good people do good things with money and our planet needs good things.

I am a warrior. I am a fighter and a believer of my truth. When I figured that out, I started attracting my community. I ended up in the right places at the right time. I suddenly connected with likeminded badasses both online and in my local community. I let myself flow out of my comfort zone. I let myself rise up to who I am, unashamed and proud. Who my higher self has been waiting for me to realize I am. But first I had to unbecome. I had to remove all of the masks I wore and dig down deep into the layers of myself. We are created as ourselves on purpose, we just need peel back those layers society has created.

That’s where I found and learned to love myself.

So I ask you again, who are you?

I would be honored if you would share with me what you find on that question. Do you resonate with my tribe or do you have a tribe of your own? Let me know, I want to hear from you: samantha@samanthadurkee.com I am sending you love, beauty.

Samantha Baker

P.O. Box 48, Boyne Falls, MI 49713

I work with women to bring love back inwards towards themselves, while reginiting their flame within.